In the Red Corner: Still Dumber and Dumbest

It is hard to envision a more dysfunctional and less public-spirited group than the leadership (and we’re not sure that’s the right word) of the Wappinger Republican Committee. The real power behind the throne is Vinnie “Il Stronzo” Bettina, who has been dirtying Wappingers’ politics since being unceremoniously ousted from the Beacon school board. When he succeeded in wooing enough voters for a seat on the Wappingers town board, he proved to be a class act who took phone calls during board meetings, stuffed his face on the dais, and probably broke wind during the Pledge of Allegiance. Through bullying and coercion (and no doubt a desire to be rid of him), he convinced the other board members to appoint him highway superintendent in 2015. Vinny still takes time off from belittling the highway employees to stick his potbelly into the Republican Club’s business whenever possible.

He’s successful because the alleged chairman, Alfredo “Corleone” Cosella, runs the club the same way that Custer led the 7th Cavalry – which is to say: badly. Alfredo kisses Il Stonzo’s ring because Bettina’s plotting may enable him to fulfil a lifelong dream of being fourth ward councilman. He ran ten years ago and was soundly defeated because as a candidate he garners the same appeal as a week-dead ferret. Hope springs eternal, however, and thanks to his kowtowing to Bettina, the fourth ward seat is available.

The fourth ward vacancy is another story of dreams and unicorns; in this case, the hopes and ambitions of Mike Kuzmitz. Mike has lusted after a set of judge’s robes for eons, and Bettina’s froggy ass may be the right one to kiss to make his dream a reality. Never mind that Judge Wolfson has been capably and even-handedly serving the town since 1982 and wasn’t planning on retiring. Never mind that Kuzmitz’s real job has him on the NYC train at 6 in the AM and getting back at 8:00 at night. Mikey’s tired of waiting, and his unflagging support of Bettina has paid off. Bettina snookered Cosella into putting Mikey up for judge, conveniently vacating the fourth ward seat that Cosella has been drooling over.

Meanwhile, town wunderkind and legend in his own mind Joey “The Nose” Cavacini was hopping up and down in his eagerness to run for the second ward seat currently (if ineffectually) occupied by Bettina’s sister Angie. Bettina wasn’t about to lose his stooge on the board (since even he knows that Alfredo is hardly a shoo-in), so he manipulated to the Republican Club into set Jo-Jo’s starry eyes on being county legislator. Joey’s ego will no doubt find that irresistible (“That’s County Legislator Nose Cavacini, thank you!”), although if he sticks to the more realistic aspirations of running for the board seat, he might be surprised how many people will help him unseat Angie.

Perhaps the most remarkable success story is the town’s head loony, Supervisor Thurston–the Dicktor. One might think Republican Dick had amazing powers of precognition to run for Supervisor as a Democrat in the last election, capitalizing on the Constitutional Convention and the Blue Tsunami to bring out the Democratic vote. The truth is Dick can’t be counted on to grab the right end of a burning match, but he’s ably served the Republican club, appointing party members left and right while rubberstamping all of Bettina’s lunacy. He’s doing such a good job of being a Republican that the Reps cut a deal with the Dems not to run an opponent this year. This despite the persistent rumors that Dick is finding the supervisor seat too confining for his ample buttocks and is eying a run for County Executive. He was reportedly overhead at last month’s Democratic fundraiser, contemplating taking on Marcus Molinaro and “that two-time loser, Ruggiero.” Joe Ruggiero, you may recall, was responsible for hooking Dick up with the Dems, including orchestrating a fundraiser. So much for friendship and loyalty!

Big Nonsense in Little Wappingers

After the Dicktor took heat for his many trips to China on the Duane Morris while putting Town business on hold, he claimed he went to China to learn more about stimulating the Wappingers economy: “I am learning their secret to big economic development,” he wrote. 

It’s hard to imagine how learning about unfair trade practices and human rights abuses would do anything positive for Wappingers. Nice try, Dick, but no one is buying it. When your corporate masters say jump on over to China, you pack your bags and jump. 

Bu-bye, Bobby!

Robert Johnston, possibly setting the record for shortest tenure of a town board member, has resigned his seat and is moving to Tennessee.

Big Bob was notable for his unfulfilled and nonsensical campaign promises, despite the fact that not fulfilling campaign promises is apparently an essential qualification for serving on the current board. Castle Point is still waiting for Johnston’s check to cover the raise he didn’t want and promised to donate. 

And townspeople are still scratching their heads about his pledge to forgo the town “insurance stipend,” which he was never entitled to in the first place. It’s surprising he did not virtuously decline the town’s stretch limo, private aircraft, and personal chef while he was it.

Bobby, Wappinger’s gain is Tennessee’s loss. We’re sure you and your lovely wife “Lauren Shaffer” will be very happy there, but if you’re not, Wappinger wants you to know we hear that Alabama is lovely.